


I'll Never Tell

by mossylog5



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Episode: s06e07 Once More With Feeling, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-03-09 14:26:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3253115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mossylog5/pseuds/mossylog5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin never realized Douglas was a Buffy fan. One day he finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Never Tell

**Author's Note:**

> I don't event know what I was thinking but I felt the need for this fanfic to happen. This is my first fic. Not beta'd or britpicked.

"Martin, can you pick up Douglas for the flight?" Carolyn asked.  
"Yeah, but why? Can't he drive himself?"  
"Oh, I am quite confident in Douglas' driving abilities but he might be a bit more... Compliant if you are the one to break the news," Carolyn responded.  
"What are you not telling me?"  
"What am I not telling Douglas. What are you telling Douglas," She clarified. "The trip might be a bit longer than planned."  
" I have a job in two days, I can't miss any more work this month!"  
"Well you're going to cancel because you have a real job in two hours."  
"I think a real job is where I get paid," Martin said indignantly.  
"Too bad. See you at the airfield at noon."  
"You could have told me a bit earlier," Martin started but was interrupted by Carolyn hanging up.  
Martin sighed but buttoned up his freshly-ironed uniform and grabbed his flight bag off the bed.  
Knock knock  
No answer from Douglas' place. Martin waited a moment then tried the door and it turned easily. He stepped into the foyer and was about to call his first officer's name when he was met with a familiar tune. Then a deep baritone singing "this is the man that I plan to entangle, isn't he fine." Then it hit Martin. Buffy, Once More With Feeling. And Douglas was singing... He would never live this down. He smiled gleefully. He continued watching in rapture as Douglas began, "my claim to fame is to maim and to mangle, vengeance was mine." And Anya's part as well! This was gold. But as Douglas' " I'll never tell" rang out, something changed in the captain. He confidently stepped forward, recalling his younger days singing along to the very same and started, "she is the one, she's such wonderful fun, such passion and grace"  
Douglas stared at him in horror, realizing his presence. "I'll never let her go, the love we've known can only grow. There's just one thing that... No. I'll never tell." Douglas seemed to partially recover from shock enough to belt out "cause there's nothing to tell" in unison with Martin.  
"He snores, she wheezes," the pair volleyed between them.  
"I talk, he breezes," Douglas sang, shooting a significant look at Martin.  
"He doesn't know what pleases," he responded.  
"His penis got diseases from a Shumash tribe," Douglas sang triumphantly.  
They continued in unison, "the vibe gets kinda scary."  
"Like he thinks I'm ordinary," Martin claimed  
"Like it's all just temporary."  
"Liked her toes are kinda hairy but it's all very well, cause God knows I'll never tell."  
They continued into the next verse Douglas singing "when things get tough he just hides behind his Buffy," but replacing it with Carolyn eliciting a glare from Martin.  
"She clings, she's needy, she's also really greedy," he countered.  
"His eyes are beady," added Douglas.  
There was a very spirited "this is my verse, hello," on Martin's part.  
Douglas started dancing clumsily and laughed, "hey look, I'm dancing crazy," and Martin attempted to join in where he approximated Xander did. They danced together for a moment and Martin flushed an even deeper shade of pink than he was already. Then they moved closer in.  
"You know, you're quite the charmer."  
"My knight in... Slacks," Douglas riffed, messing up the flow for a second. The two men clasped hands.  
"The cutest of MJN with your lips as red as rubies and your firm yet supple tight embrace," he added, grasping his first officer in a very un-Martin-like gesture, feeling a wave of confidence.  
"He's swell."  
"She's sweller."  
"He'll always be my pilot."  
"That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified."  
"I've read this tale there's wedding and betrayal,Together they began to awkwardly clamber onto Douglas's kitchen table, still singing.  
"I lied."  
"I said it's easy."  
"I've tried, but there's these fears I can't quell."  
"Is he looking for a pot of gold?" Sang Martin, really feeling like Xander in the moment.  
"Will I look good when I've gotten old?" Questioned the first officer sarcastically, then whispered "of course" under his breath, eliciting a snort from his captain."  
"Will our life become too stressful if I'm never that successful?"  
"When..." Douglas cut out for that part prompting more giggles from Martin.  
"Am I crazy?"  
"Am I dreaming?"  
"Am I marrying a demon?"  
"We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell."  
"So thank god I'll never tell," said Martin, dipping Douglas but then struggling as he almost dropped him.  
"My lips are sealed."  
"I take the fifth."  
"Nothing to see."  
"Move it along."  
"I'll never tell!" They both finished, flopping onto the couch with (partially mortified) laughter.  
"My daughters, they love Buffy," Douglas explained between giggles. "I have had to listen to Verity play this over and over."  
"I really have no excuse. I was a grown man when this was on and something about David Boraneaz hooked me. I spent my Tuesdays watching a show for teenage girls."  
"Never speak of this again?" Douglas vowed, hoping for agreement.  
"I'll never tell... Anya," Martin collapsed into another laughing fit and Douglas sighed then joined in.


End file.
